Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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