he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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