john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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