i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
