with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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