Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
