hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
