I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
