maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Blood and glitter go together right?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
