Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
