so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
