how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
