I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
