there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I love you. Go after that dick
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
