so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
