I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
