I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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