he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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