I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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