Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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