you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
