You're my little dorito
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He did a backflip because drugs
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
