THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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