I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
