Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
