I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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