Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
