I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
