Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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