saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
