hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
