vagina is talking i cant
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
