im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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