I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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