i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
