i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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