I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
