fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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