final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
