can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
