if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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