I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Be still, my beating vagina.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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