when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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