Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
