I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
