its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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