Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
