I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Two words: blizzard sex
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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