yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
