It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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