she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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