You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
