I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
