Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
